


Sometimes In Dreams of Impact I Still Hear

by Chash



Series: Miss Atomic Bomb [20]
Category: The Song of the Lioness - Tamora Pierce, Tortall - Tamora Pierce
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 19:20:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3085001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chash/pseuds/Chash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Look, I'm not going to lie, this is an AU of my own AU because I wanted to write some Jon trying to deal with emotions. It's the twentieth part, I do what I want. George and Raoul start dating on Raoul's twenty-first birthday; Jon isn't as happy about it as he thought he would be. Alanna isn't either.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes In Dreams of Impact I Still Hear

**Author's Note:**

  * For [goshemily](https://archiveofourown.org/users/goshemily/gifts).



> So, yeah, AU of my own AU, what up. I assumed that George did not hit on Raoul on his twenty-first birthday (as seen in [My Whole Life Is Thunder](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2539877)) because he could see Raoul was pining for Jon. But I was talking to @goshemily about how things would shake out if they had started dating despite that, and at the time I was like THAT IS WAY TOO SELF-INDULGENT, but now it's been a couple months and I guess I lost whatever shame I had. So we're doing this thing.

Raoul was expecting a trip to a bar for his twenty-first birthday from Jon, of course. He knows Jon. He knows that Jon has certain beliefs, like that everyone should go to a bar at midnight on their twenty-first birthday, and that vodka becomes more powerful if you leave it in the sun, and that snapchat is the pinnacle of human communication.

As presents from Jon go, a trip to a bar really isn't bad. Last Christmas, Jon got him an awful beefcake calendar, and then bought one for everyone else in the frat, just so that he wouldn't out Raoul, so now there's an entire wall of the living room covered in creepy beefcake. And for his last birthday, Jon didn't throw up on his shoes, which, according to Jon, was very difficult. Based on how drunk he was, Raoul believes it.

It's just the two of them going to the bar, which is one of those stupid things that makes Raoul's heart pick up, even though it doesn't mean _anything_. Jon's taking him out for drinks, but not in a romantic way. Jon will probably go home with some random girl he picks up, and Raoul will be left alone in some weird bar on his birthday. He probably would have preferred another beefcake calendar, all things considered.

The bartender is the same one he remembers from the last time they came, for Jon's birthday. He raises his eyebrows at Raoul and says, "Got another fake ID for me?"

"It's my birthday," says Raoul, fishing out his license.

The bartender gives it a lot of scrutiny, and Raoul can't really blame him. The last one _was_ fake. He finally hands it back and gives Raoul a bright grin. He's got a nice smile. "Well, happy birthday."

"Thanks."

"This is George," Jon pipes up. "George is gay."

Raoul has a bad feeling about this.

"I'm not, in point of fact," says George mildly. "I'm bi, thanks."

"Oh. Well, this is George. He's bi."

"Not usually how I start introductions," says George. "But nice to meet you, Raoul." He offers Raoul his hand, and Raoul shakes. He assumes he got the name off his ID, and not that Jon has been telling George about him. He really hopes Jon hasn't been telling George about him.

"I'm going to let you two get to know each other while I play Buck Hunter and get wasted," Jon announces. He claps Raoul on the shoulder, and Raoul does his best not to flinch. "Enjoy."

George eyes Raoul for a minute, and then he grabs a mug and starts wiping it out. "So, are you drinkin', or did Jon just bring you to try to set you up?"

Raoul glances over his shoulder. "Drinking, I guess. At least one. It's my birthday, right?"

"Right." There's another pause, and then George says, "I would be hittin' on you."

He chokes a little. "What?"

"You know, all other things being equal, I'd be hittin' on you."

"And--what's not equal, exactly?" Raoul asks.

"Well, mostly, you looked pretty heartbroken when Jon walked away." He shrugs. "Don't usually hit on people who are into other guys."

Raoul groans and thunks his head down on the bar. "Jesus Christ, is it that obvious?"

"I'm a bartender," he says. "It's kind of my job."

"I guess." He sighs and straightens up. "Why would you be hitting on me?"

"You're hot and, I assume from Jon's introduction, gay, and I like hot gay guys." He grins. "Sorry if you were lookin' for somethin' more profound, but I don't know you too well."

"Sometimes I think I'm doing it wrong," Raoul admits.

"Oh?"

"I'm mooning over Jon. I've never had a boyfriend. I hooked up with a couple guys in high school, but they were closeted and I was closeted and I'm just--that's not what I'm looking for, you know? No offense."

"None taken," says George. "Not what I tend to look for either." He grins at Raoul's dubious look. "Just because I'd be hittin' on you doesn't mean I wouldn't be lookin' for something serious. How do you think you get somethin' serious?"

"I honestly have no idea," says Raoul. He glances back behind his shoulder. Jon is not playing Buck Hunter, because he accidentally shot a doe, like he always does, and is now not allowed to shoot anything else until the round ends. It makes his gut twist up. Being in love with Jon Conte is the stupidest fucking thing he's ever done. "Obviously what I'm doing right now isn't working."

George cocks his head, considering, and then says, "So, can I get you a drink?"

Raoul nearly looks back at Jon, but he stops himself. Instead, he watches George, who is decently attractive, and seems like a cool enough guy, and, mostly importantly, likes guys and is hitting on him. Which is miles ahead of Jon, who is straight and his best friend and has never shown even the slightest romantic interest in him or anyone else with a dick.

"It's not as impressive when you're a bartender," he says. "I mean, you already get all the drinks free, right?"

"I like to think of that as a perk," says George. "That a yes?"

"It's a yes," says Raoul, as much to himself as to George. "I'll have a Guinness."

They're still chatting an hour later, when Jon drapes over Raoul's back. He's so used to that it doesn't even startle him anymore, or get his hopes up. "I'm going home," he says. "You coming or staying?"

Raoul looks up at George; George gives him an easy smile in return, no pressure. "I'll stay."

"Awesome," says Jon. He gives George a stern look. "This is my best friend. This is my favorite dude in the entire world. The entire galaxy. All the multiverses! You treat him right." George salutes, and Jon plants a messy kiss on Raoul's temple. "Happy birthday, bro. Snapchat me some dick pics."

"Absolutely not."

"Good call. Night, guys."

George watches Jon leave with a somewhat bemused expression. "I've gotta admit, I don't really get it."

"Yeah," Raoul agrees. "Neither do I."

They don't have sex; Raoul hangs out until George closes the bar, and George gives him a kiss, which is a pretty awesome kiss, and gets his number, and calls the next day to see if Raoul's busy for dinner.

Raoul decides he's free.

*

"I'm a god among men!" Jon declares, picking Alanna up and twirling her around.

"Jon, for the last time, winning a drinking contest with yourself doesn't mean you're immortal, it just means you haven't died yet. And the yet is very important."

"That's not why I'm a god," he says, putting her down and grinning. "I got Raoul a boyfriend."

"What," says Alanna, "like--on the internet? I thought we blocked you from any site that looked like it had mail-order brides. Did we miss one?"

Jon snorts. "Like I'd tell you if you did. Someday, I'm going to get through that child-block Thom put on there and you're all going to cry."

"Gary has a panic button for that," she remarks. She glances around, looking for Raoul, and spots him hanging out with a tall, lanky guy. He has nice arms, she'll say that for him. Good for Raoul. "So, where'd you get Raoul's boyfriend?"

"He's our bartender."

Alanna side-eyes him. "Did you set Raoul up so that you could get free drinks?"

"No. But if I happen to get free drinks out of it--"

She shoves him. "God, you're ridiculous."

Jon considers her. "You don't seem surprised about the boyfriend part. Did he tell you he's gay?"

"Not in so many words. How long have they been going out?"

"I think this is the second time."

"Does that really count as a boyfriend?"

"He brought him here, right?"

"I guess you're right." She certainly wouldn't inflict the frat on someone unless she was serious about him.

Raoul goes to play darts with Alex and his boyfriend shifts a little on his feet, looking around with the anxiety Alanna recognizes from not knowing very many people for most of her life. "I think that's my cue," she says. "I'm going to interrogate him. If he's not good enough for Raoul, I'm gonna blame you."

"I'd kick my own ass before you could," says Jon, and Alanna waves an acknowledgement over her shoulder.

"You're Raoul's boyfriend?" she asks. He's at least a foot taller than her. Why is everyone else so gigantic? 

He gives her a smile, which does wonders for his whole face area. Score another for Raoul. "I'm not sure I'd go that far just yet, but yeah, I'm here with Raoul. Are you here to give me another lecture about how I'd better not hurt him?"

"Yup," she says brightly. "I will kick your ass from here to Sunday. After I finish kicking Jon's ass."

He looks her up and down. "You know, I've heard that threat a lot today, but you're the first one I think might actually do it."

"I would definitely do it. I have a brown belt and a lot of unresolved childhood issues."

He laughs. "All right, then. I won't hurt him." He offers his hand. "I'm George Cooper."

"Alanna," she says. "So, you're a bartender?"

"Yup."

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-five. How old are you?"

"Nineteen." At his smile, she glares and says, "I have a late birthday, shut up."

"So that's soda in your cup, I'm guessin'?"

"Obviously," she says, straight-faced. "Twenty-five is a little old for Raoul."

"It's not like he's jail bait or anythin'. Besides, the rule is half your age plus seven. I can go as young as nineteen-and-a-half and it's not weird."

"Keep telling yourself that. I'm not the twenty-five-year-old dude at a college frat party."

He lets out a surprised laugh. "Ouch. Anyone ever tell you you're kind of vicious?"

"You looked like you could handle it," she says, and when he smiles down at her, Alanna feels an unwelcome lurch in her stomach.

Luckily, Raoul comes over then, and George smiles at him instead. "Your friends are pretty scary," he tells Raoul.

"Alanna's the scariest friend I've got," Raoul says easily. He looks happy and relaxed, and Alanna scolds herself for thinking his boyfriend is hot. Raoul deserves a great guy who likes him. Raoul never dates. "Never get on her bad side."

"I'll do my best," says George solemnly. But there's a twinkle in his eye when he smiles at her again.

She tries to ignore it.

*

"This seems like a shitty idea," says Buri.

"It's not," Raoul protests. "Why would it be a shitty idea?"

He's not quite sure how he and Buri became friends, but she's like Alanna, except tinier, angrier, gayer, and not as close to Jon, which means she's the best person to talk to about him. She mostly rolls her eyes and tells him that Jon is actually the worst human being she has ever met, so he figured she'd be all for him getting another boyfriend.

"Look," she says, "I would never date Jon Conte. You could give me a million dollars and a pony and put Thayet's asshole dad in some zoo where people laugh at him for the rest of his life and I still wouldn't date Jon Conte. Dating him would be a punishment for me. Like, life sentence in jail bad."

"I get the picture," he says.

"Right," says Buri. "Sorry. Got distracted there. Anyway. The point is, for whatever brain-damaged, ex-football-player reason, _you're_ in love with Jon. And you probably shouldn't date anyone else as long as that's true. It's unfair to what's-his-face."

"George."

"Unfair to George."

"George knows."

"Knows what?"

"That I'm in love with Jon."

"Huh," says Buri. She looks him over. "So he's, like, a masochist? Angling for a threesome?"

"We're dating. Like normal people."

"I don't think I've ever known anyone who actually dated like normal people," she muses. "I've never just seen another human and thought, I might be into that, maybe I should get dinner with her every few days for a month and then if we've developed some kind of attraction, we'll try sex. It always seemed weird to me."

"You really can suck the romance out of everything, can't you? How did you get your girlfriend?"

"I was in love with her," says Buri. "And she was angry enough about how much guys sucked that she agreed to go out with me. I lucked out. And see," she adds, perking up, "that's the thing. Thayet tried to date like a normal person, and she never got past a date or two. It doesn't work."

"It must work for someone," Raoul says, but he's not really convinced it'll work for him and George. He's not even convinced he wants it to. But he's having fun right now, and George is too; that's something. "Anyway, we're on the same page. He can't possibly be in love with me. He only just met me."

Buri shrugs. "So what's the point, then?"

 _He's not Jon_ , Raoul thinks. But he just shrugs and says, "I like kissing."

*

"Hey, Alanna!"

Alanna stops and turns to see George Cooper jogging toward her. He gives her a bright smile as he falls into step with her. "Thought it was you," he says. "Where are you headin'?"

"Over to the frat house," she says. "You too?"

"Nah, I'm actually goin' to visit Ma."

Alanna raises her eyebrows. "Ma?"

"What, you're too old to visit your mother?"

She looks down. "My mom's dead."

"Oh," says George. "Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't--"

"No, I know," says Alanna. She gives him a smile. "She died right after I was born, I don't even remember her. But it comes in handy. You should have seen the first time one of the frat guys tried to pull a mom joke on me. I thought he was going to cry."

George snorts. "How about your da?"

"My dad's a bastard."

"As an actual bastard, I resemble that remark. Born out of wedlock," he clarifies, at her look. "Close to my ma, but never knew a thing about my da."

"Well, my dad's an asshole, then," she says. "And I apologize to actual bastards for lumping you in with him." She kicks a rock on the ground, watching it skid off into the road instead of looking at George. "I hate him. I see him as little as possible."

She's surprised to feel his arm around her shoulders, the easy affection she expects from the frat guys, but not from someone like George, whom she barely knows. They've hung out at a few parties, when Raoul is busy, but they're not close. Still, it's kind of nice. "Sorry to hear that. But, y'know, my ma loves company. Any time you're looking for some parental affection, you're welcome."

She squints up at him. "You barely know me."

"So?" He gives her nose an affectionate tweak. "I got good sense about people."

 _You're dating Raoul_ , she wants to say, but she doesn't, because George is just friendly. She doesn't even know if he likes girls. "Thanks," she says instead, and ducks out from under his arm. "This is my stop. Say hi to your mom for me."

"Will do. Say hi to Raoul and the guys."

"Right," she says, and goes inside so she's not tempted to watch him walk away.

As soon as she's through the door, Jon says, "Was that Raoul's boyfriend?" He's glaring, which is weird for Jon. Maybe he noticed George's arm around her. Maybe she should have kicked George's ass for it.

"Yeah. Ran into him on his way to see his mom."

"His _mom_? That doesn't sound like a lie at all."

She squints at Jon. "What's wrong with you?"

"I don't like him," he says.

"Since when?"

Jon crosses his arms over his chest and huffs. "I dunno. He's old, right? He seems really old."

"He's twenty-five," says Alanna, crossing her arms too. "That's four years older than Raoul. That's not even a little weird."

"It's a little weird. Like, a solid three on the weird scale. And he's, I dunno. He doesn't seem right for Raoul, you know? He's--" he waves his hand.

"I really don't."

"I dunno. They're just not good together. It's weird."

She's not convinced he's wrong, but still. She has some biases she's trying to resolve. "You're the one who set them up!"

"Well, I didn't expect them to start _dating_ ," he mutters. He sounds like he's five and someone told him he can't eat cookies before dinner. "I just figured they'd sleep together. Raoul needed to get laid."

"From what I understand, dating involves getting laid," she says. "Not that I'm an expert or anything."

"I'm just saying, I wouldn't have picked him for a _boyfriend_ for Raoul."

It takes her a minute, and then she shoves him. "Jesus, Jon, are you _jealous_?"

"No!" he says, way too quickly. He re-crosses his arms and resumes his glare, although it's really more of a pout. "I'm just--concerned. We don't really know anything about him. I should have thought this through."

"You're jealous," she says. "You set him up and now you're pissed it worked out?"

"He could be a serial killer," Jon mutters.

Alanna kicks him in the shin, hard, and he yelps. "You don't get to be jealous because your friends have boyfriends, Conte."

Just like that, Jon slumps into a chair in a miserable, sulky pile of dumbass. "Is that what this is?"

Alanna thinks she's bad at emotions a lot of the time, and she knows she _is_ , but so's Jon, in his way. Maybe they're just all good at different emotions. Alanna's good at being angry and jealous and figuring out how she feels about things by gauging how annoyed she is about shit. Jon's good at affection and camaraderie, but doesn't have much awareness of what's going on with anyone's love life, his own included. Alanna sort of assumed that was why he didn't have one. That and he's an actual walking disaster half the time.

"I'm pretty sure that's what it is," she tells him, sitting down on the arm of his chair. 

"I don't think I'd be pissed if you had a boyfriend," he admits.

"What if he was twenty-five?" she asks.

"Does this hypothetical old dude like you?"

"I assume so."

"Then no, I don't care."

"But you care if it's Raoul."

He rubs his forehead. "It's not really that he's twenty-five, is it," he says.

Alanna pats him on the shoulder. "I don't think so, no."

*

Raoul puts up with Jon being a total fucking weirdo for about a week before he says, "What's wrong with you?" and Jon hands him a business card that reads, _I'm not allowed to talk, please direct all questions to Alanna_ , and then lists Alanna's email address, cell phone number, and snapchat username, as if Raoul doesn't have all of that information already. "To anyone?" he asks, raising his eyebrows at Jon. "Or just to me?"

Jon hands him another business card, but it's just the same thing. He has a stack of them.

"Is Jon doing a vow of silence?" he asks Alanna, when he does call her.

"God, I hope not. Why?" Raoul tells her about the card, and she swears. "He's the fucking worst," she says, with feeling.

"What's happening?" he asks. "Is everything okay? He's been acting really weird."

"Yeah, I know." There's a pause, and Raoul assumes she's pacing. "He's working through some stuff. I'm helping."

He can't help feeling a wave of jealousy, which is shitty for a thousand reasons, starting with the fact that he has a boyfriend and ending with the fact that Alanna is his favorite person.

"But he's okay," he says, when the wave passes and he just feels guilty instead.

"He's Jon," she says, dismissive. "Is he ever really okay by our human standards?"

That makes him crack a smile. "Yeah, he's existing on a different plane from the rest of us."

"How's it going with George?" she asks. Her voice is a little strange, and it puts Raoul on edge. Or maybe he's just upset that she knows what's going on with Jon and he doesn't.

"Fine," he says. "He's cool."

"Yeah," she agrees. "He seems like a nice guy."

"He is." Raoul feels like he should be able to summon up something better to say about his boyfriend. There are tons of things he could say. He likes George a lot, but he's still at that stage where most of the things he thinks about George are comparisons to Jon, and it's weird. He wonders if it's maybe not a stage, and it's his whole life. It seems massively unfair that he might spend his whole life comparing everyone he dates to Jon Conte, because it's not like George actually comes out behind Jon on any rational scale. He's not as attractive, sure, but he's less drunk and disorderly, he's more polite, he's never thrown up on Raoul. George is almost certainly a better boyfriend than Jon would be. Raoul _knows_ that. Buri would consider dating Jon a punishment. "What's wrong with me?" he asks Alanna.

"I don't know," she says, sounding surprised. "I thought we were talking about Jon. Are you okay?"

"Yeah," he says absently. "Sorry. Just--I hate when Jon's weird. George noticed too."

"Jon takes weird to new and terrifying levels."

His alarm goes off, and Raoul says, "Uh, shit, sorry. I've gotta go. Date night."

There's a pause, but Alanna says, "Cool. Say hi to George."

"Will do."

"And tell Jon to stop giving those cards out."

"Like that'll work."

"Good point. If you can find his stack of cards, burn them for me, okay?"

Raoul laughs. "Got it."

He's about to say goodbye when Alanna says, "Jon didn't tell me what was wrong. I kind of bullied it out of him. It's not--you know. It's not like he told me but he doesn't want to tell you."

Relief floods through Raoul. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Thanks."

"Have fun tonight."

"You too."

Except the first thing he does is show George the business card from Jon, which is probably not the kind of thing he's supposed to do to his boyfriend.

"Huh," says George. He rubs the back of his neck. "Did you call her?"

"Yeah. She says he's working through some stuff."

"I kind of figured."

Raoul sighs. "He's not normally like this."

"I know." George bumps his shoulder against Raoul's. "I did know Jon before, remember? He always seemed to like me pretty well."

"Of course he likes you."

"Not anymore."

"It's probably something else," says Raoul, but it sounds weak, even to him. Jon has been glaring at George every time he sees him. The last time Jon did that to someone, it was because he thought they stole a beer he lost behind a radiator. Jon's bad at grudges. His dislike towards George is seriously alarming. "You didn't do anything, did you?"

George smiles. "I guess I did." He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "We should probably break up."

"What?" asks Raoul, although he's not really that surprised. Or that hurt. He probably should be. "Why?" He makes a face. "Sorry, I know why."

"I doubt it." He holds up two fingers. "One, I'm pretty sure Jon is jealous. Probably you should just ask him out. I think he'd go for it, now that he noticed he doesn't like you datin' anyone else."

Raoul opens his mouth and then closes it again. "No," he says, faintly. "No way."

"Why not?"

"He's straight. And--Jon. He's probably just upset he's not the center of my universe right now."

"He's still the center of your universe," George says. He sounds amused.

"You said there were two reasons," he says, because it's not like he can argue with that.

George actually turns pink, which is weird. He's not sure he's ever seen George embarrassed before. "I'm, uh. If it works out with you and Jon, I'm kinda hopin' I might, uh." He rubs the back of his neck. "No way I can say this without sounding like a jerk, huh?"

"You're interested in someone else?" Raoul asks.

"Sorry," he says, looking sheepish. "Didn't mean to. But I wasn't kiddin' about Jon. I really do think he's jealous."

Raoul isn't quite listening. If George had been interested in someone when they started dating, he probably would have mentioned it. And why would it matter if he starts dating Jon? It's not like George's love life depends on his.

"Seriously--" George says, but Raoul snaps his fingers.

"You're into Alanna!"

"Uh," says George. He's going pink again.

"You can date her even if Jon's not into me. She and Jon had a thing years ago, but she got over him."

"Yeah?" He sounds eager, and Raoul has to smile. It's cute. George clears his throat and rubs the back of his neck. "You think she'd be interested? Or, uh, never mind. We're talkin' about you and Jon."

"No, that's awesome," Raoul says. He grins. "We should definitely talk about you and Alanna. That would be great."

"Yeah, uh, I think she'll murder me if I break up with you and you don't get together with Jon. So you should get that sorted out first. If you're really rootin' for me here."

"Right," he says, letting out a breath. That's probably true. He gives George a crooked smile. "Not the best start to date night, huh?"

"Well, we broke up, but other than that, its goin' pretty well," George says, laughing. "You want to get takeout and watch a movie anyway?"

He smiles, relieved. "Yeah. That sounds awesome."

George kisses his temple. "I think we're goin' to be a lot better friends, darlin'."

"Yeah," says Raoul, leaning against him. "Me too."

*

"No boyfriend?" asks Alanna when Raoul flops down next to her on the couch. Jon is glaring daggers at his wiimote, and Alanna elbows him. He's supposed to be _trying_. Just because Raoul spent the night doesn't mean Jon can be an asshole.

He yawns and cracks his neck. "We broke up."

"He fucked you and dumped you?" Jon asks, jumping off the couch and making it halfway to the door before Gary trips him. "Ow, Jesus, what was that for?"

"Mostly I wanted to," says Gary, unapologetic. "But Raoul looks like he might have a heart attack."

"We broke up last night!" says Raoul. "What are you doing?"

"I was going to beat the shit out of him," Jon says, glaring up at Gary.

"Yeah, uh, don't," says Raoul. He glances at Alanna. "We're cool. We decided to just be friends. Then we got drunk and watched the entire extended Lord of the Rings. We were just gonna watch Fellowship, but then we couldn't stop. It was mutual. No one needs to beat George up."

"I wasn't going to," says Alanna. "You didn't look upset or anything."

"Yeah," says Raoul. He leans back on the couch, yawning again. "I'm not. At least now I can say I had at least one boyfriend."

Jon pokes his head over the arm rest. "So you're okay?"

"I'm fine," he says.

Jon climbs back over the armrest and onto Raoul's back, wrapping himself around him. "Are you sure? You're not heartbroken? I'll get ice cream. And vodka. Chocolate ice cream and vodka. Breakfast of champions! We're gonna get through this."

Raoul repositions slightly, making room for Jon behind him. "Seriously, Jon. He's great, but--not my type."

"Because he's old and gross?" Jon asks, into Raoul's neck. "He was old and gross."

"He's not," says Raoul, and the same time Alanna says, "You set them up, dumbass."

Jon climbs off Raoul and onto Alanna, which is a lot worse, because he's a lot bigger than she is. "Why would anyone ever listen to any of my ideas? He should have known better."

"That's actually a good point," says Gary. "We're lucky Raoul didn't get murdered."

"George is cool," Raoul protests. He glances at Alanna again. "He might keep hanging out."

"What, you need my blessing?" she asks. Raoul's still looking at her, though, and she suddenly gets the impression that she maybe wasn't subtle enough with her very slight crush on his boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriend.

"Why would he keep coming over if you broke up?" asks Jon, glaring.

Alanna smacks him on the side of the head. "Don't be a dickweed, Jon." She throws a wiimote to Raoul, and they play Smash Brothers until she has to leave for work.

Raoul watches her with an odd look. "What?" she asks, frowning.

He shakes his head. "I'll walk you out."

"Okay, weirdo."

It's not until they're outside that he says, "George, uh. He broke up with me because I'm in love with Jon."

It should be more of a surprise, but she doesn't know why Raoul would have gotten over Jon. It's not like Jon slept with him and broke his heart.

"He knew that when we started dating," he adds quickly. "Not, like--it wasn't a surprise. Or anything."

"Okay," says Alanna.

Raoul scrubs his face. "I think I'm gonna go for it?"

"Good," she says, and gives him a real smile. "That would be awesome."

He looks relieved. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He scratches his head, and then says, "George is bi. Just--letting you know."

"I have to go to work," she says, because Raoul clearly has a _plan_. And he knows she has a kind of thing for his ex, which is a dick move on her part. Even if Raoul doesn't seem to mind.

Of course, she runs into George again on her way. He's tall and gives her his big, awesome smile when he sees her, and she hates her life. Sort of.

"Afternoon," he says, raising his arm in a slight salute.

"Hey. Coming back from your mom's?"

"Nah, groceries." He holds up the bag in his other hand. "Raoul got the munchies halfway through Return of the King."

"Sorry you guys broke up," she offers.

He shrugs. "Wasn't much of a relationship, honestly. He's a great guy, and I'm real glad I got to know him, but I think we're better off friends."

"That's what he said, yeah."

George nods, and they're quiet for a minute. She's not sure what else to say about it; neither of them seems broken up about it. She's certainly not broken up about it.

"Where are you headed?" he asks.

"Oh, work."

"Where do you work?"

"Maud's? It's a coffee shop. Nothing fancy."

"Yeah, I've seen it. Kind of near me, actually."

"Oh."

He bumps her. "This weird now? Cuz me and Raoul broke up?"

She has to laugh. "Or I'm just awkward and you never noticed."

"Don't worry, I noticed." He grins, and Alanna lets herself smile back. "See, there we go. That's better." 

"Raoul said you, um. You knew he was in love with Jon?"

"Yeah."

"So why'd you go out with him?"

George considers, clucking his tongue thoughtfully. "Honestly? It looked like he could use someone to talk to. I wasn't expectin' him to take me up on it when I asked him out, but I like him. And he seemed kind of like--" he laughs. "Not to sound patronizin', but he seemed like he could use someone bein' interested in him." He makes a face. "That sounded patronizin', huh?"

"No, I get it," says Alanna, feeling about two feet tall. "You're probably right."

He frowns. "No, that sounded bad. And I didn't mean it--wasn't a charity case or anythin'. I wouldn't have minded if it got serious, but I'll be a lot happier if it works out for him and Jon. I'd never go out with someone if I wasn't actually interested in them. Just--he wasn't interested in me."

"Sorry."

George shrugs. "Like I said, I'll be a lot happier if it works out for him and Jon."

"Yeah, me too."

"Yeah?"

She glares. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"Raoul mentioned somethin' about you and Jon."

Her glare deepens. "There's nothing between me and Jon."

"Good," says George, in a way that completely dissipates her anger. "And here you are." He looks up at the Maud's sign. "I've never actually been here. Live just around the corner."

"You should stop by sometime," she tells him. "I'm here Tuesday mornings and Thursday and Saturday afternoons."

He nods. "Might take you up on that. I figure I'll skip the frat until Raoul tells me Jon doesn't want to kill me anymore."

"Probably safer." She lingers for a minute, not wanting to go inside, but she does, sadly, have a job. "See you later, George."

"Have a good shift."

He's in on Tuesday morning, and Alanna allows herself to get just a little hopeful.

Just a little.

*

Raoul has never in his life thought about telling Jon how he felt. Not seriously. He's thought about being with Jon, because it's hard not to think about that, but the best he'd come up with for plausible ways to get together was both of them getting drunk and hooking up and Jon just deciding it was easier to go with it than breaking it off.

It still seems like the most plausible way, but he doesn't really feel like getting wasted with Jon and seeing what happens. He feels like he should try to do this sober. Try to do it right.

Jon's still acting kind of weird too, which is comforting, in an odd way. If everything went back to normal, he might lose what little nerve he has.

"I don't feel like I can just ask him out," he tells Alanna. He went to visit Buri at Maud's and found Alanna there too, and George, and Alanna's weird friend Numair. Technically, Alanna's weird friend Numair didn't previously know he was planning to ask Jon out, but he's also pretty sure he doesn't care, and everyone else was on board, so he figured he might as well get a lot of opinions. "It's not like he dates. Why do I even think he'd do a relationship?"

Alanna and George exchange a look automatically, which makes him smile a little. He can't wait for them to get together. "He was jealous," Alanna says slowly, like she's not sure it's really okay. She doesn't like betraying trusts. "I think he maybe even figured out why."

Raoul's heart lodges in his throat. George said it too, but Alanna knows because Jon told her. They talked about this. "That's why he was giving out those cards?"

"I assume so. I didn't tell him to give out the cards, but I probably should have given him specific instructions on how to deal with emotions. But I didn't, so it's on you now."

"I don't know how to deal with emotions either."

"Yeah, I don't either. I have no idea what I'd put on that list." She looks at George again. "You seem emotionally competent. You tell Raoul what to do."

"That's very sweet of you to say," says George dryly. He rests his arm on Alanna's head, and she swats at him, but she doesn't really seem to be trying to get him off. Raoul hides his smile in his coffee; Buri rolls her eyes. "Never been in this situation before," he muses. "I tend to just ask people out as soon as it's an option. Not good at silent pining."

"Unhelpful," says Alanna, elbowing him.

"Just buy him a six pack and put on some gay porn," says Buri. "If he's into it, you're set."

"Is Jon the one you found passed out in the tree by your dorm last week?" Numair asks Alanna, finally joining the conversation.

"That's Jon," Alanna and Raoul say together.

Numair nods and pats Raoul on the shoulder. "I'm sure the two of you will be very happy together."

"Yeah," says Raoul. "Thanks."

When he gets back, Jon's playing Katamari Damacy; he's trying to do the cow level, which Raoul knows is his least favorite. He plays it when he wants to get angry and yell at the Playstation.

"Bad day?" he asks, flopping down next to Jon on the couch.

"Are you getting back together with George?" he asks.

"No," he says, surprised. "Why?"

"I saw you guys. At Maud's."

Raoul goes pale, suddenly very glad Jon didn't go in. "Jesus. No." He runs his hand through his hair. "He wants to date Alanna. He was there when I got there. It's actually pretty cute."

"Alanna?"

"Yeah. I gave him my blessing. I think she likes him."

"Oh."

Raoul licks his lips. "So, it's not George."

"What?"

"Well, you aren't pissed he wants to date Alanna."

"Oh," he says again. "No. I mean, he's old and creepy, but--"

"He's twenty-five! That's--kind of old. But you're the one who introduced us in the first place."

"I know."

Jon finally hits a cow, but he doesn't throw the controller at the TV, which is good, because the next one will probably break it, based on the tally marks on the wall and previous experience. He just looks at his hands, way more miserable than he usually is when he hits his first cow.

"So," says Raoul, and then Jon puts the controller down, climbs into Raoul's lap, and kisses him.

It takes a second and then Raoul makes a soft noise, slides his hands up to cup Jon's face, and kisses back. It's not exactly like he imagined--Jon's got more stubble than he expected, rough against his palms, and the kiss is slower and deeper than he expected. He thought it would be hurried, that a fumbling hookup would be the best he could possibly hope for. But Jon kisses like a prelude, like they're going to be doing this for a while.

He's not sure how long it's been when the door slams open and they break apart, Jon startling off him. A couple of the pledges are chatting with Alex, and they all call out greetings, but Raoul can't take his eyes off Jon.

"So," he says again, but it comes out as a weird croak. He licks his lips, and Jon tracks it. Raoul feels hot all over. "You were jealous."

"Apparently," Jon agrees. "That's what Alanna said."

Raoul laughs softly. "I can't believe you had to have Alanna explain your feelings. Alanna doesn't understand her feelings half the time."

"Yeah, it was pretty pathetic," Jon admits. "You're not pissed?" he asks, sounding shockingly tense, for Jon. "That I, uh--kissed you."

Raoul swallows. "George and I broke up because I've been in love with you since you saved me from that stupid alumni reunion when we were four."

"Oh," says Jon. "Shit. I can't believe I didn't notice."

Raoul laughs, relieved. "I didn't want you to. I didn't want anyone to."

"I guess." He sounds dubious. "Well, whatever. Come on." He stands and offers Raoul his hand. Raoul takes it, like always, but Jon doesn't like go this time, just holds it as they head upstairs.

"Where are we going?" he asks.

"My room," he says. "I don't want the pledges walking in on us."

Raoul swallows hard. "You know I don't just--I can't just hook up with you."

"Oh, yeah," says Jon vaguely. He lets them into his room, closes and locks the door, and then shoves Raoul against it for another long kiss. "It's cool. I love you too. I just suck at it. We'll get married in a few years."

It's so fucking _casual_ , Raoul can barely breathe. Of course Jon loves him, he's never doubted that, but he never really thought--

He pushes Jon back onto the bed and takes over, kissing him hot and frantic, letting it all out, the heartbreak and hope and love he's had bottled up for what feels like his whole life. Jon, taking him to get cookies, not caring he was shy and quiet, Jon at Christmas, nine years old with tinsel in his hair, standing up for Raoul when his dad's boss's son teased him, and then, Jon at eighteen, hugging him fiercely, suddenly tall and broad and _so fucking hot_ , still the friendliest, best person Raoul had ever known. He knew right from then he couldn't lose Jon again, he'd never give him up, but he didn't really believe he'd ever get _this_.

Jon tugs Raoul's shirt off and then his own, and then they're kissing again, messy and desperate.

"How many times did you fuck George?" Jon asks.

"Zero."

"Awesome."

"You don't get to be jealous about how many people I've slept with," Raoul points out. Jon's teeth scrape against his neck and he groans. "Fuck."

"I'm not." But he can't help adding, "How many?"

"Two. Closet cases in high school." He fumbles at Jon's jeans, but he's still surprised when Jon arches up to let him take them off, and then when Jon is under him in just his boxers, turned on and grinning.

"You're my first guy," he says, and Raoul lets out a surprised laugh.

"Fuck, Jon."

"Yeah," says Jon. "We better. Like, a lot." He tugs off his boxers. It's not the first time Raoul has seen him naked (Jon's pretty much shameless), but it's the first time he's seen him hard, and he has to press the palm of his hand against his own dick. "Your turn," he says, and Raoul nearly falls off the bed in his rush to get naked.

"I've never actually, like--slept with someone," he says. "In a bed. Or, uh." He rubs the back of his neck. "It was just, like, hand jobs in the locker room."

"Oh man, I've seen that porn, it was awesome."

"Why were you watching gay porn?" Raoul asks. It's not really the conversation he thought he'd be having the first time he slept with Jon; it's a lot better. Jon loves him back. He doesn't have to worry about doing everything right.

"Porn for straight dudes bums me out," he says, stretching. "It's so exploitative. I'm strictly into gay dude porn and amateur stuff where the people look like they like each other. And no weird long nails on the girls."

And just like that, it's impossible to be nervous. Raoul laughs and rolls back on top of him and they're kissing again, rubbing against each other, and when Jon's hand wraps around his dick, it doesn't feel like every fantasy he's ever had coming true. It's just him and his best friend, and they love each other, and he never let himself even fantasize about that.

"Tell me if I fuck anything up," Jon says, and Raoul lets out a breathless laugh.

"I always do, right?"

Jon presses a surprisingly sweet kiss against his cheek. "Always."

*

Jon snapchats a picture of Raoul in his bed with the caption _#blessed_. Alanna appreciates that Raoul is obviously naked, but Jon's covered him with a sheet, which is more consideration than she generally expects from Jon. Raoul is already a good influence.

She shows Buri, and Buri says, "What is wrong with you and Raoul?"

"Why am I getting blamed for this?"

"Because you obviously have a thing for his creepy old ex-boyfriend. How do you guys have identical awful taste in guys?"

"It's not _identical_ ," Alanna grumbles. "I'm over Jon."

"Okay, fine," says Buri, waving her hand. "You have weirdly similar taste in guys, which somehow means you like incredibly hot human-disaster frat boys and old, unattractive bartenders who flirt with everyone. That's not even a type, how do you guys share it?"

"He's not unattractive," she protests, which is probably the worst thing she could say. "And I don't think Raoul actually liked him that much. Not, you know. Romantically. I'm pretty sure he wants us to hook up."

Buri rolls her eyes. "Yeah, it's obvious. And he keeps coming over here to flirt with you, so I like your odds. I don't know what's wrong with you two."

"Which ones?"

She considers and corrects, "I don't know what's wrong with you four."

Alanna can't really argue with that.

George shows up ten minutes before closing. It's Saturday, so she assumed he'd be at work, but when she asks he says, "Nah, not this week."

"Jon sent me creeper pictures of Raoul in his bed," she remarks, sliding him his coffee.

"I really don't understand the appeal," he says, shaking his head. "Don't get me wrong, I love Jon, but I'd never want to date him."

"Me neither." He raises his eyebrows, and she smiles. "I was very lonely and vulnerable in high school, okay? And he was less obviously a nightmare person."

George laughs. "Goin' to the frat after this?" he asks, and it's purposefully casual. Even she can't miss it, and her heartbeat picks up. 

"Maybe," she says, just as casual.

Buri, cleaning the espresso machine behind her, snorts and says, "Just leave already. I'll finish up."

George cocks his head at her, and she says, "Um, give me a second." She slides into the back room and changes out of her work clothes, shaking out her hair and checking herself in the mirror. She looks like she just finished an eight-hour shift at a coffee shop, but in a kind of cute way, maybe. The cutest she's going to get, anyway.

"You're sure?" she asks Buri when she comes back out.

"I like how you don't ask until you already changed," she teases. "Yeah, I'm fine. Get going. You can cover me next time."

Once they're outside, George stuffs his hands in his pockets, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet. Alanna smiles. "Want to go to the park?" she asks.

"Sure."

They walk in companionable silence for a few blocks, and then he says, "When's your birthday?"

"Um, May."

"Okay, cool." She raises her eyebrows, and he says, "You're nineteen-and-a-half."

She laughs, and it's a long longer than it should be, relieved and happy all at once. "So, if my birthday was in September--"

"I'd still ask you out," he says easily. "But it'd be creepy."

"When's your birthday?"

"January. About a month before Raoul's."

They're quiet again until they get to the park. The gate is locked for the night, but it's not the first time Alanna has broken in after dark. George looks amused but follows her, and they have a seat on a bench by the pond. "You haven't actually asked me out, you know."

"Yeah," he says. "I get nervous when I really like someone."

It's a little cold, so she scoots in against his side. He puts his arm around her and draws her in, nuzzling her hair. "I'll say yes," she admits, soft.

"Good."

"I've never actually gone on a date."

"You and Raoul really do have a lot in common, huh?"

"Everyone's always surprised."

He squeezes her shoulder. "So, you think we can count this as a date? We're out, I had coffee, I'm goin' to kiss you in a minute."

"That does sound like a date," she says, trying to keep her heartbeat under control. "From what I've heard."

"Cool." The kiss is soft and slow, and when he tries to pull back after a second she makes a soft noise and wraps her arms around his neck, keeping him there. She feels his laugh against her lips, his hand slides in her hair, and they stay there until they're shivering.

They don't make it to the frat.

*

Alanna texts on Sunday morning. _is it weird we have the same taste in guys?_

Jon's still asleep, mouth open, hair a mess, arm flung over his face for some reason. It's really unspeakably unfair that he's still as hot as he is. He's like a real-life Disney prince.

_kind of. george ask you out?_

_yeah_

He tries on two pairs of jeans on Jon's floor before he finds the jeans that are actually his. He doesn't even bother recovering his own shirt, just gets the first one of Jon's that doesn't smell. _coffee?_

They meet up at Maud's twenty minutes later. Alanna looks him up and down and says, "How many hickeys do you have right now?"

"I knew the scarf was too obvious," he mutters. "My neck looks like raw meat."

She laughs. "Why am I not surprised?"

He gives her a sheepish smile. "You're okay?"

"I'm okay. It was nice of you to give me your ex as a consolation prize." Her tone is teasing, easy, and Raoul takes the cue and laughs.

"Don't say I never got you anything nice."

"Let me guess, he was waiting for you and Jon to get settled to make a move?"

"He figured you'd say no if I was still single."

"Nice of him to give me so much credit. I'm not that selfless. I definitely would have said yes."

Raoul laughs. "Good." He nudges his foot against hers. "I'm glad you like him."

She ducks her head, flushed and happy, and Raoul feels like he might explode from how awesome his life is right now.

"So, what actually happened with Jon?" she asks. "Did you use your words?"

"Eventually. But he was actually the one who made the first move. Jon Conte, in touch with his feelings. It's a brave new world."

She nudges him back under the table. "As long as you got there, right?"

"Yeah," he says. "We got there."


End file.
